Choosing Courage

Yesterday, I applied for a new job. It was very scary. I still have my job at Jelcan and don’t actually plan to run out anytime soon, but this was an exercise that I was encouraged to undertake by my counselor and one or two other people.

Some weeks ago I got a Hot Tip that a rural school south of town was hiring a permanent part-time Library Technician. The person who tipped me off knew that I had investigated becoming a librarian last year and was just forwarding this to me in case I was still interested, as apparently those positions don’t actually open up very often within our local school district.

I looked it over and while I technically qualified, my first reaction was to dismiss the idea. I did mention it to my counselor George, and he immediately asked “So are you going to apply?”

“No!” I said, a little taken aback.

“Well, why not? You don’t actually have to accept the position, if they offer it.”

This was actually news to me. My assumption was always that you didn’t apply for a job without full intent of accepting, but George said (and others have since confirmed) that sometimes you just explore options because you can. Or maybe you find something out in the interview that doesn’t work for you, such that when they offer the job, you end up saying no. Expressing interest doesn’t automatically mean that you’re obligated to say “Yes” to anything.

“But either way, I have to disappoint somebody,” I replied. By which I meant, what if this new thing turned out really interesting but meant that I couldn’t keep my current job at Jelcan? And I’d have to quit and disappoint my family? Or what if they people at the school were really interested in me as a candidate, and I said no, and disappointed them? That’s a tough thing for me. But where we landed was that…well, in a way, it’s good practice. It isn’t feasible to go through life keeping literally everybody happy, and as George put it, the worst person I can disappoint is myself. By never trying things.

So! I drafted a cover letter, created a resume (most people polish old ones but it has been an age since my last one, so let’s start fresh) and in doing so actually came to get a little more confidence in myself and the skills and abilities I have. The act of “selling myself”, even on paper and before I’d sent it in, was actually kind of a boost. And then yesterday, after checking my attachments twenty times, I hit send! Well, after also counting myself down from 5 and getting just enough courage to hit the button.

Maybe nothing will come of it. I guess we’ll see. But I’m putting myself out there, and that isn’t a thing I do often.

Thing I Saw: Nintendo’s E3 2019 Direct presentation was live today, and there wasn’t a drop of Metroid news in site. DISAPPOINTED!

Thing I Learned: A lot of Final Fantasy music just went up on Spotify, so I’ve been playing through the OST for FF VII and rediscovering a lot of music that I remember but doesn’t usually get played. (Deep cuts, if you will). Nice to hear this stuff in high quality again.

I’m Grateful For: Good friend times had yesterday. I brought Mike back to the airport, and had a good chat on the way. Then later, played more A Way Out with Jared and laughed myself silly.

I don’t know what an “Official Visualizer” is? Looks like a music video to me?