We’re Back! A Tired Father’s Story

Hi y’all, I’m hoping to get this habit going again but who knows. Let’s see. It’s been quite a while, and I’ve spent the last bunch of weeks thinking “I should blog again” but then just playing more Control on my Xbox One X (yes! I got one a few days after launch! that was a big hanging plot thread from last season!)

So let’s start off light. I’m sitting on the couch, and Spotify’s on shuffle because I’m sifting through my Liked Songs trying to find one in particular. I know some lyrics and the tune but can’t remember the name or band, and Google’s not bringing me any hits from the lyrics that I remember. Every so often, while writing this, I’ll switch over to Spotify and try a few more songs I don’t entirely recognize. No luck yet. If I get it by the end of this post, I’ll post it as my usual song link.

Maybe I’ve talked about this in the past, but I often run conversations in my head as some sort of…”preparation”, I think it’s meant to be. From heated arguments to benign things like visits to the doctor, I often try to visualize what I’m going to say and and anticipate responses so I can feel prepared, I suppose. But lately I’ve come to realize that even the conversations that don’t really stress me out — picking on the doctor’s office visit again — are just another form of worrying. I think I’m worried that I won’t say the “right” thing, or waste someone else’s time. Things like that.

The thing of it is — as meticulously as I prepare my script in my head, it almost always flies right out the window in the moment. Or the situation I prepared for never even happens. My preparing is usually a waste of energy that takes me away from wherever I currently am, which is sad because I do a lot of visualizing while I’m taking nice hot showers. Think of all the nice hot showers I’ve not been present for, or actually come out of more stressed because I’ve gotten into an argument in my head again.

All that to say; I’m going to try adding my habit of Conversational Prep to the umbrella of things I can label with Just Worrying. (This is a very good technique, and very simple: please check it out. I particularly like this PDF’s summation at the top: “Saying hello to the worry, but don’t stop to chat”)

Thing I Saw: A sort of lockdown protest vehicle caravan around town today. Caravan might be overstating things — it was like four or five vehicles making a racket. One was a truck with a “FREEDOM” banner across the front, pulling a trailer that had a sign. The sign had an all-caps message to Manitobans, urging them to stand up and revolt? I guess?? against the COVID measures our government has taken. “THIS ENDS WHEN YOU SAY IT ENDS” the sign urged. Oh! I had no idea we, collectively, had the power to say a global pandemic was just “over” because we didn’t feel like doing it anymore. I shook my head at them and considered honking my horn in dismay, but they probably would’ve taken it as support.

Thing I Learned: I’m reading The City We Became right now, and looking up pictures and maps of New York City to try and actually understand where the boroughs are in relation to each other, and get a sense of their look and character. It’s fun! I really want to visit NYC now!

I’m Grateful For: A healthy pregnancy for Lori so far. We’re just under a month until the due date, and while it certainly hasn’t been easy for her, it’s at least been medically normal!

This is not the song I was trying to find, but it came up in my shuffle and it’s amazing